Tuesday, May 2, 2017

How to live 349 years longer

Run 5 minutes a day: 5 years.
Read books: 23 months.
Exercise when you’re old: 5 years.
Play golf: 5 years.
Eat oily fish twice a day: 2 years.
Follow the Mediterranean Diet: 15 years.
Be right handed: 10 years.

Move from Zutphen to Crete: 6 years.
Develop resilience: 10 years.
Take this longevity pill for dogs: 4 years, equal to 28 human years.
Be a Tour de France cyclist: 6 years.
Pursue happiness: 7.2 years.
Pursue wealth: 15 years.
Have children: 1.5 years.
Have grandchildren, care for them: 5 years.
Cut down on calories: 18 years.
Win the Nobel Prize: 2 years.
Win an Oscar: 4 years.
Win an Olympic medal: 2.8 years.
Pray regularly: 7 years.
Run some more: 3 years.

Do this: 2 years.
Do these four things: 14 years.
Walk this way: 5 years.
Play this game: 10 years.
Move to a democratic country: 11 years.
Conquer stress: 10 years.
Be a well-educated person: 7 years.
Get castrated (if a man): 13.6 years.
Do housework (if a woman): 3 years.
Become a cloistered nun (also if a woman presumably): 9 years.
Do regular exercise: 4.5 years.
Garden: 14 years.
Get angry: 2 years.
Become an Adventist: 5 years.
Become a vegetarian: 9 years.

Go to university: 7 years.
Get more friends: 7 years.
Take at least 300 milligrams of vitamin C per day: 6 years.
Be a smoker, then quit when you’re middle aged: 10 years.
Be Italian or Spanish, rather than English: 2 years.
Think positive: 7 years.
Stop looking at your phone: 11 years.
Kiss your spouse in the morning: 5 years.
Use a standing desk: 2 years.
Drink a glass of wine after work: 5 years.
Achieve frequent orgasms: 2 years.
Eat nuts 5 days a week: 3 years.
Socialise with baboons: 2.5 years.
Floss daily: 6 years.

Bonus tip: since each hour spent running adds 7 hours to your life, achieve immortality by running for 3.4 hours a day. Or you could try volunteering, which reduces by 20% your chance of death (the standard human rate being 100%).